


The Man in the Mirror

by mari_aurelia



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Mirror of Erised, One Shot, Sad remus and harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:02:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29403795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mari_aurelia/pseuds/mari_aurelia
Summary: If Harry found the Mirror of Erised while Remus was at Hogwarts...
Kudos: 4





	The Man in the Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> The lyrics at the beginning are from Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson

_I've been a victim of a selfish kind of love_

_It's time that I realize_

_That there are some with no home, not a nickel to loan_

_Could it be really me, pretending that they're not alone?_

_A willow deeply scarred, somebody's broken heart_

_And a washed-out dream_

_They follow the pattern of the wind ya' see_

_'Cause they got no place to be_  
  


When he came back to Hogwarts, Remus never slept well. The place was too fraught with his ghosts, and in sleep, his dreams liked to raise the dead. He much preferred walking at night down the fourth-floor corridors, where he was in control of where his feet, and his mind, went. It was always silent in these hours, which suited him; it reminded him of the main library room, but with much fewer memories.

It was always silent, which was why one night, when Remus was wandering and he heard sniffling, he froze. Cocking his head to hear where the sound was coming from; he followed it quietly until he came to a room off the corridor. Inside he saw the back of a dark-haired boy in front of a mirror. No, not just any boy- _Harry_.

Harry was standing still, alone in the middle of the room, one arm just slightly outstretched as if he might grasp the image he saw in front of him. Harry’s stillness was jolted by a heave of his shoulders and another sniffle and Remus realized with a start that Harry was crying. Remus’ heart flinched.

“Harry?” he said, gently, trying not to startle him. At once Harry recoiled, head snapping towards the door. The humiliation and shock on his face only subsided slightly when he saw who was at the door. “Sorry, Professor Lupin, I- I was just- I know I’m not supposed to be up, I just...” he trailed off, wistfully glancing back at the mirror. Remus saw the gold rim and the inscription upon the mirror: **Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi.** _The Mirror of Erised_. Remus had heard of it before-it showed what you desired most, according to legend. 

“May I come in, Harry?” Remus said, offering a kind smile. Harry nodded. Remus walked in, coming to stand near Harry, careful not to look into the mirror. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know what he desired. Or maybe he knew but didn't want the pain of confirmation reflected back. The ghost of a face who had been his everything... _No._ He willed his thoughts away from where they always went when he started thinking of the past. He felt himself slipping into memory, until another sniffle came, jolting him back.

 _Harry_. His glasses were askew from rubbing away tears and his black hair stuck up in gravity-defying directions. God, he really was the spitting image of James.

Remus was not great with crying kids, or kids in general. That had always been James, been-Jesus! Why couldn't he keep his thoughts in check tonight? With no idea what else to do, he dared to ask. “What do you see?”

Harry glanced up at him, tears caught in his eyes-- Lily's eyes. A pang shot through Remus. "I see... my family,” Harry said, shakily, but a light had been switched on behind his eyes as he spoke. Sheepishly, he continued, “Well, at least I think... I think it’s my family. My mum's there and my dad," he said, pointing at an image Remus couldn't see nor bear to imagine, "...and his mum and dad, I think, though I’ve never seen pictures of them.” At this, the touch of brightness in his face dissipated, and his eyes dropped to his toes, tensing. Remus’s breath hitched in his throat.

_Monty and Effie. Lily and James._ _Harry._ Remus felt dizzy with the collision of past and present. “I just like to come in and see them sometimes,” came Harry's voice softly. Remus wanted to do something to lift the grief from the sound of it. To say something to make up for the years he never reached out. Guilt pooled in his stomach, mixed with grief of his own. _I knew your mother and father, Harry,_ he could say. _I loved them like they were my family. They were my family. His parents too_. _They took me in when I had nowhere to go. They showed me that family isn’t always a bad thing. They would have loved you so much. They do._

The universe was cruel to have robbed this kid of the childhood he should have had. It robbed him of broom riding with his dad, and hugs from his mum, storytime with his grandmother, and Potter family dinners, and presents on Christmas morning. It had robbed him of the magic he should have been surrounded by. The love he should have been given. The family he should have had.

But, Remus said nothing. He didn’t know how to begin, and it was all so messy now, tied up in tragedy and betrayal, and S- _NO._ For the third time, wrenched his thoughts away, feeling sick. He pinched his wrist, trying to bring himself back to the present. To Harry. "Am I in trouble, Professor?" Remus looked down, and a forgotten memory of a different dark-haired boy flickered through his mind. What, a _m I in trouble, Professor Lupin? Shut up, James._ He felt the ghost of a smile behind his lips, and then he reached out an arm and placed a hand gently on Harry’s shoulder. 

“I won’t tell anyone I found you here," Remus replied, and a bit of the guilt unwinded in his stomach as he saw the relief and gratitude flooding Harry's face. "But, you should probably be off to bed now,” he added. Harry swallowed and nodded. "Thank you, Professor Lupin," he said quietly as he turned to leave. He didn't look back, but when he reached the doorway, something in Remus stopped him- “Harry.”

Emerald eyes streaked red caught his. “I’m sure they would be so proud of you.” A half-smile spread across Harry's face. It made Remus's heart ache. Then, Harry ducked out of the room.

~~~~~~~~

Remus stood there for a long time after, lost in memories, in grief, in guilt, until it nearly began to grow light again, debating. He had shifted over in the time that had passed, so now the golden frame of the mirror was right in front of him. 

Who was he kidding? He was always going to have looked. 

He lifted his chin.

Sirius Black grinned back.

Remus’ breath caught in his throat. _Sirius._ Remus squeezed his eyes shut, trying to steady himself. He'd brought this upon himself, but he still couldn’t bear the sight of that smile, that hair, those lips. _You’re magic, Moony_. No. Nonono. Sirius had betrayed him. He had betrayed his best friends. Betrayed them all... and yet. The mirror didn't lie.

How could still long to hear this murderer's heartbeat? How could he yearn to place a kiss on this traitor's neck? How could he dream of sliding his scarred fingers in between this man's slender ones again?

Remus tasted the metallic tang of blood in his mouth and realized he had been biting down on his lip. Wiping it on his sleeve, he turned on his heel and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. He would not dwell on history anymore.

And yet. 

Even after he left the fourth floor and forced himself to lie in his bed... the man in the mirror's voice echoed through his mind from restlessness into nightmares.


End file.
